dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
