I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
