You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
