I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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