Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
