does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
