I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
