he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
