Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
