do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
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