I can't breathe out the right side of my face
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize