My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
