Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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