Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
