I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
