I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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