Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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