it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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