I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
her facebook's as public as her vagina
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
