Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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