Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
