so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I need a beard to bite.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
