Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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