Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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