We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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