im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
