the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
