just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
