Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
