I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
