Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
