My first STD was from a foam party
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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