Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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