Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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