Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
