I want to have your abortion
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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