i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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