she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize