Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
