Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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