Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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