Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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