Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
