Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
