Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
