Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
