Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
