Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
