Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
