And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
