areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
