I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
