I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
