Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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