It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
