haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
