Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
How external is "for external use only"?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
