just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
