I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
